How Sex Education Fails Us All

Sex has become a litmus test for modern relationships, with many people feeling lost in the woods when it comes to discussing intimacy. A recent survey by the Burnet Institute found that 77% of young people reported that sexual pleasure is not covered at school, highlighting a gaping hole in our collective sex education.

This lack of guidance has far-reaching consequences. Rather than having open and honest conversations about their desires, individuals often assume their partners should intuitively know what they like. This perpetuates a pervasive lack of communication, leading to feelings of anxiety, uncertainty, and even shame. As sex therapist Tanya Koens notes, “Because we don’t encourage people to talk about sex, it’s already set up with shame and stigma.”

The problem extends beyond the bedroom, affecting relationships and daily life. We’ve become conditioned to avoid discussing intimacy, leaving many feeling like they’re walking on eggshells. This is compounded by the assumption that our partners should be able to read our minds, rather than having an honest conversation about what we want and don’t want.

The statistics are telling – a report by Feeld found that 42% of respondents engaged in kink, but only 25% considered talking about safe sex as “normal.” This discrepancy highlights the tension between private desires and public discussions. We’re living in a world where we’re encouraged to explore our fantasies, yet simultaneously shamed for discussing them openly.

Sex therapists like Koens and Alexandra Trkulja emphasize the importance of communication in overcoming this hurdle. Practicing open discussion outside the bedroom can help individuals become more comfortable asking for what they want and don’t want in everyday situations. For example, simply asking for extra bacon or communicating about a massage can help build confidence in expressing desires.

However, individual communication is not enough; we also need to create a culture that encourages open discussion around sex. We must move away from the assumption that our partners should intuitively know what we like and instead foster an environment where we feel safe discussing our desires. As Koens notes, “Consent is a really big part of this because it sets up safety.”

The onus is not just on individuals; society as a whole must create a more inclusive and accepting environment around sex. This means acknowledging the shame and stigma that still surrounds discussions about intimacy and working towards a culture where we can openly talk about our desires without fear of judgment.

Ultimately, the key to breaking down these barriers lies in investing in programs that provide practical guidance on consent, pleasure, and healthy relationships – not just for young people but for all of us. By doing so, we can create a world where talking about sex is no longer a daunting task but rather an opportunity for growth, understanding, and connection.

The shame game must end – it’s time to start a new conversation that prioritizes openness, honesty, and communication. The future of our relationships depends on it.